I Have Been Living Two Lives for Two Years

For the last two years, I have been living a double life.

To my wife, I am a normal husband. I go to work, come home, pay bills, make plans, and act like everything is stable. To my neighbor, I am someone completely different — someone who listens, laughs, hides messages, and pretends that what we are doing is not slowly destroying everything around us.

The worst part is not even the guilt anymore. It is how normal it has become.

There are nights when I sit at dinner with my wife and answer messages from the woman who lives close enough to see our lights on. Sometimes I look across the table and wonder how many versions of me exist in the same house.

I know people will say I am selfish. They are right.

I know I should stop. I know someone will get hurt. Maybe everyone will.

But after two years, I am starting to feel like the lie has become bigger than the truth. And I do not know if I am afraid of being caught, or afraid of finally having to choose who I really am.